Being a good friend and partner is one of the most important life skills to have.
Unfortunately, this is a life skill that is lacking in many people around the world.
In this blog post, we will go over the four critical skills one needs to be a great friend and partner.
Not only should you read this to make sure you are good at being a friend, but make sure those closest to you do all four of these things as well, for your own good.
#1 Listen Actively
You are in the middle of telling a wonderful story to your friends. Halfway through, you realize that nobody is listening and people begin talking over you and change the subject. We have all been there, it sucks! Sometimes when this happens, there will be that one person who maintains eye contact and continues to ask questions about your story. In those moments, we truly love that person.
We all have had this experience. It sucks to feel like you aren't being listened to and it makes us not want to share too much in the future. The person that actively listens and asks questions instantly becomes our favorite person in those moments.
An active listener is sometimes all a person needs to resolve their own issues, feel heard, and feel loved. To be an active listener:
- Stay off your phone when someone is talking to you
- Maintain eye contact
- Regularly nod your head and use body language to show interest in what someone is saying
- Regularly, repeat what a person says to recap what they are saying to make sure you are on the same page and to show them you are listening
- Continue to ask questions about whatever that person is talking about, have them explain more
#2 Regularly Reach Out
How lovely is it to have a friend call us and say "hey, I was thinking about you and wanted to see what you're up to?".
If there is one thing certain in life, it is that everyone wants to feel loved, important, and popular. Having someone there to show interest in us makes us feel loved and it let's us know that the other person cares.
Showing someone that you care about them is cool. What isn't cool is acting like you could take them or leave them - everyone needs to feel important!
Sometimes in long-distance friendships or relationships, you will not talk as often as your in-person relationships. That is totally fine, but you need to regularly reach out in order to maintain some sort of relationships.
Here's a great example I have to prove this point: I have maintained a friendship with someone who lives halfway around the world from me for years because we regularly check in on each other online and see each other every time we are in the same area. This friendship has always been deeply fulfilling, we are always in touch even if a few weeks goes by with no contact. We share stories, advice, and love. In contrast, I have lost a friendship with a former close friend I've had for years who lives 5 minutes away because they were always "too busy" to bother to text back or visit. My friendship with the person who lives half a world away was much closer than the one 5 minutes away because we regularly reach out.
#3 If there is a problem, just talk to them about it
I remember a time where a former friend of mine took something I said the wrong way. Instead of saying "Hey, when you said __, it really offended me. Can we talk about it?" they just didn't speak to me for an entire month and instead told all of our mutual friends how offended they were by me. And just like that, 11 years of friendship goes down the drain.
If you have a problem with your friends or partner, literally just talk to them about it. 9 times out of 10, talking it out resolves any misunderstandings and allows you both to see things from the other person's perspective and return back to loving each other.
No relationship of any sort can survive long-term if there is no direct, timely communication about problems. And oftentimes, any insecurities or concerns we have are cleared up within a few minutes of talking about it.
Talking things out is really a game changer.
#4 Show Love & Gratitude
We all want to feel loved. This is something shared by everyone.
Nobody is going to think you're "weird" for complimenting them, showing them appreciation, and letting them know how much you mean to them. Our friends and partners are some of the most important people we will meet in our lives.
Why wait until someone is dead to talk about how loved they are? Why wait until someone is dead to give them flowers and show appreciation?
What a warm feeling it is to know that someone else finds you important. How great it is when someone refers to you as their friend. You know how lovely it feels to be appreciated and to be told how important you are, why not spread that warm feeling to people who mean the most to you?
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